When searching “Montenegro” on Google you will come across the country of Montenegro in the Balkans, but if you search “Montenegro alcohol” you will find the enlightened amaro of Bologna, Italy.
Montenegro is a very common industry drink amongst bartenders. It is most likely taken as a shot, but some very clever mixologists have incorporated this unique amaro in many cocktails; for example, Standby, in Downtown Detroit, offers a drink called “Cool, Cool Beverage,” that includes Branca Mentha, Rhum JM 100, grapefruit sherbet, mint and most importantly the holy grail: Montenegro.
It’s difficult to put into words what Montenegro tastes like. Is it orange? Allspice? licorice root?
It’s all of that and more.
Montenegro is a fairly innocent drink from afar, classy you may say, but if you limit yourself to this amaro for the night, you might find yourself waking up with the thought, “What the hell happened last night?”
Below are 10 ways Montenegro can ruin your life (based on personal experience):
1. Bringing a bottle of Montenegro to a party is exhilarating because not only is it incredibly difficult to get your hands on, chances are your friends and acquaintances haven’t tried it. But, when they do, they don’t like it. In fact, they hate it. At this point in the night, your self-esteem is at an all time low.
2. Well, now that nobody at the party likes it, you decide to keep it by your side and take shots straight from the bottle, not for you, but for the sake of the Montenegro. This leads to a light buzz and with that light buzz comes the inclination to smoke weed and what goes best with an alcoholic drink nobody likes? Weed.
3. So now you’re high….and buzzed. This a period of low inhibitions and a period of sparked curiosity towards what’s inside your new friend’s home. You leave everybody outside, including your boyfriend and stumble into the house. You immediately fall unto the kitchen floor.
4. Upon entering the home, you spot a crazed drunken woman open the guest bedroom door and scream at the top of her lungs. Before tonight you were acquaintances, but now….you are best friends. (This isn’t Montenegro ruining your life, new friendships are actually one of the many benefits of drinking Montenegro).
5. You and your new BFF will converse in the drunken language of women: bitching about your boyfriends. This only strengthens the bond between the two of you. This will then activate your bisexual tendencies and you start to think, “Should we just date? Fuck our boyfriends.”
6. So now you and your new BFF our joined by two other girls on the guest bedroom bed. Don’t get too excited, nothing happens, except one girl takes her top off and suddenly you think, “Shit, maybe I’m not bisexual.”
7. You decide to leave the bedroom and find your boyfriend, since the craving for masculine energy is strongest at this point. He is found in the kitchen with lots of other men. The only thing you can think of is the Montenegro. You drunkenly express your concern, “Where is the Montenergrooooooooo?”
8. The men are laughing. They are laughing at you. They are laughing at your misery since you can’t find the Montenegro. You decide to head to the table lined with bottles of rum. You start to drink out of the bottles, straight up. The men try to stop you, but no man can stop a woman with Montenegro flowing through her veins.
9. You find a cat named Biscuit. Biscuit is unbothered. He is shaped like a literal biscuit. You love biscuit. You hug biscuit. Biscuit walks away. Your heart breaks.
10. Now you are determined to find the Montenegro the men hid on you during your cross-faded rampage. Your super woman senses tell you to open the refrigerator. You find the Montenegro. You hear your boyfriend mutter, “Oh fuck, what the fuck is even going on anymore?” You chug that glorious nectar of the Italian gods. Your night ends.
Your night doesn’t end on such a wondrous note. Don’t forget that you throw up outside your apartment building and feel like that would be the last day on Earth you would ever live.
Nope, drink how you want and have fun.
Also, Montenegro might turn your night into a messy episode of Jersey Shore – Midwest version, but it will make for great memories.